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We have difficulty with it and submit to
almost unmanageable urges that compel us to act in a manner
divergent from good relationship behavior. Men are the main
offenders in this epidemic. We have that massive male ego to contend
with for one, and an almost primordial instinct to "win" at every
endeavor we partake in.
 fight
to the death
When we unleash these typical male forces in the confines of our
relationship, we blaze a trail of self-destruction. We start a
pattern of dysfunction that breeds contempt, malice and the eventual
downfall of the relationship. When all you have to do to prevent it
is communicate with your woman, being a good partner looks to be a
piece of cake, right?
Sure. Then why do most men drop the ball and fail to have a
successful relationship with a woman? Check out the statistics or
just reflect on the people around you. When it comes to good
communication, men suck and to be honest, many women are not much
better. Females may have an innate sense for conflict resolution but
the bottom line is that we can all improve the way we communicate
with each other.
Proper communication is so basic, yet we fail to execute most of
the time. For that reason, the rules to get there are not rocket
science. So if my advice seems more suited to a class of grade
school punks, don't be offended or surprised. Sometimes kids can be
used as an example to show adults how to get along in social
situations. Just go to a local park in the summer to check out a
soccer game between 6-year-old girls and observe the behavior of the
parents. But I digress. Men, start with these tips:
Make
time
That's right; make time. Why the blank stare? You set aside time to
watch sports, eat and have sex, don't you? Why should communication
with your woman be any different? You have to block off an hour or
two for quality time with her, whenever possible. Prioritize it.
Make the effort to sit down across from her after a long day to
discuss work, friends and your relationship. Heck, you can talk
about the weather for all I care. Just talk.
Don't force the topic toward the relationship but do seize the
opportunity to mention how well things are going or perhaps bring up
areas you need to improve on to give her what she needs. In
addition, don't shy away from explaining to her what you need from
her. Too many men have a problem with this.
Take the time as you sit together, cook together, travel
together, or eat together to voice your dissatisfaction with certain
aspects of the relationship. Just do it in a calm fashion, so as not
to alarm her. Reassure her that you're happy (if that is the case)
with the overall relationship; you just want one or two things to
change. Whatever you want to discuss, just make the time for it and
make it a joint effort
Be
an active listener
Sometimes I feel like a broken record but until these universal
relationship blunders cease, I suppose I have no choice but to keep
on with the same messages. Active listening, as opposed to passive
hearing, is one of them.
You've read it before but the truth is that I get so much e-mail
from men who have no clue how to do it, that I could write about it
every time. It's not that hard to be an active listener but it does
require a few traits that men sometimes find elusive: patience,
concentration and modesty.
It requires patience because you have to give her as much time to
listen to her message as she needs, point blank. Concentration is
key because you have to not only look at her, but also focus
on her: her eyes, her body language and her voice. What is she
saying? What is she telling you? Concentrate.
I include modesty because a lot of men, myself included, have a
problem letting someone take the floor for an extended period of
time. They like to hear their own voice and want others to hear it
too. These men want to dominate the conversation and hold court, so
to speak. This is not, sad to say, a trait conducive to good
relationship rapport.
So toss your ego aside and let her speak. And above all else, let
her have the last word once in a while. Hint: It's not a sign of
masculine weakness to do so.
By:
Lawrence Mitchell
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